School days

Both my babies are in school now.  Léoni went to a Portuguese school in our neighborhood last year.  She was four and didn't love the transition, but I remember being exceedingly proud of her for managing to navigate an all-Portuguese environment and still be all smiles every afternoon when Lucas and I arrived to pick her up.  The bigger struggle was mine.  My days suddenly without work in a new country seemed immensely long.  I tried to create adventures, learning experiences, and just play as much as I could with Lucas; our days fell under our authority and whims.  At the school, however, I couldn't communicate with any of Léoni's teachers, which left me feeling very left out of her schooling experience (especially jarring giving my career experience).  So I decided to shop around for a new school that both kids could attend this year--a bilingual, international school.  I found one, and I was impressed with the way the teachers and administrators could articulate their approach, which is pretty progressive by Portuguese or most standards.  We enrolled at their new campus and I feel like all winter, spring, and summer I was answering questions from both kids about when Lucas would finally join Léoni at school.  He said he was so ready.  Until the day came nearly two weeks ago.  He wanted nothing other than me.  Mama time.  Up time.  Lap time.  Home time.  A week later, he had one good day, which only probably counts as "good" when compared to the many days of crying, not eating, not drinking, not using the bathroom and certainly not playing.  I know this is a difficult transition, and most parents at this stage are also leaving behind crying kids, hiding around corners, and listening through windows to hear how long it takes their babies to calm down.  It's a passage to another dimension.  The babies mourn it, some kids relish it (like my daughter who has waved and skipped away from us into her classroom), and the parents are ambivalent.  It feels so good to reclaim some of my time.  To have time to think and be quiet and live out some things I've put to the side for years.  But my heart breaks for Lucas.  And for our days together.